It has been reported that a special one-off reunion episode of hit US sitcom Friends, to be filmed and broadcast next year, will not mention characters Joey, Ross, Rachel and Phoebe. Certain rumours suggest that the script will take extra care in especially not mentioning Phoebe, who has been deemed “least relevant” by the entire US television industry.
Monthly Archives: September 2011
The Disjointed Adventures of Huxley Finnigan – Chapter 2
There was a distinct pattern, Huxley noticed as he meandered through the woods, that the trees shared entirely. Each and every one of the oxygen-spewing, squirrel-infested bastards (an incident in which a tree fell on Huxley’s sprightly puppy, Jupiter, had left him somewhat bitter) was completely covered in the word “toot”. Not one twig had escaped the unrelenting scribblings of some tree-carving loon.
It’s never hot enough in the UK to be topless in a public setting
“If I removed my shirt whilst trundling along the pavement, I’d be mistaken for a beige hat stand and promptly bungled into a van to be sold at a car boot sale.”
If you’re a male man, being topless outside is a sin whether you believe in a deity or not. Sure, the Judeo-Christian God, swaggering through the Garden of Eden, got pretty angry when He noticed Adam and Eve were no longer bawdily bare, but that’s just because of His own perverted excitement at having created the human race. We’ve moved on since then. Nudity isn’t holy anymore - it’s terrifying. It fills me with dread to see a pair of unsuspecting nipples whilst out and about.
Why? Be patient, reader, and read on.
NASA’s UARS – The evil and strangely-shaped truth
Jamie Breeze joins a particuarly prodigious practitioner to reveal the truth behind NASA’s Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite.
There has been a lot of speculation recently about a six-and-a-half ton bus-sized “satellite” hurtling towards Earth at a speed man cannot comprehend. The satellite could fall practically anywhere on the planet with a 1 in 3200 risk to public safety, so the question on everyone’s anxious minds is – where?
Luckily, with the help of some wet receipt paper and discarded boxes of corn flakes, I have managed to find the devious culprit behind the debris of this media crash and perhaps some further, lonesome intentions hidden in his deep, dark and disturbing mind.
Review – LittleBigPlanet 2 Move Pack; AKA Sackboy’s Post-Horrific Moves
If you are moved by moving and using your moving limbs to move, then you might share with many people a certain fondness for something called the Kinect. No, I’m joking. It’s the PlayStation Move. Riper than Paul McCartney’s facial complexion, the new Move Pack for LittleBigPlanet 2, utilising the gimmicky wonders of motion control, will put more than a smile on your face and possibly your anthropomorphic motor system.
Exclusive interview with Dented Bells
Liquid Knightrogen and Dandy Turquoise, the jean-munching stupor stars of pindie stone sensation Dented Bells, join bread&crows to discuss their new single, Ghosts.
b&c: Hello. Alright, chaps?
DT: Aye. Yourself?
b&c: Yes, I’m doing very well. I love your outfit, Liquid. Sort of Roman.
LK: Greek, actually. I’ve been reading a lot of Homer.
DT: Homer who?
LK: Sexual.
DT: That’s funny.
