The Bread&Crony Awards 2013 – Best Movies

Bread and Cronies Best Movie

2013 has stopped happening. It’s stopped. Flatlined. The doddering old lady of 2013 has been pulverised by the speeding bus of 2014. Hark, though: work beckons.

We’ve been tasked by Big Crony (golden effigy pictured) to rifle through our files and evaluate the cultural givings of 2013. Next up – and with no pressure from the mobster to vote in a certain way – its movies.

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The Bread&Crony Awards 2013 – Best TV Shows

2013 has stopped happening. It’s stopped. Flatlined. The doddering old lady of 2013 has been pulverised by the speeding bus of 2014. Hark, though: work beckons.

We’ve been tasked by Big Crony (golden effigy pictured) to rifle through our files and evaluate the cultural givings of 2013. First up – and with no pressure from the mobster to vote in a certain way – its TV shows.

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Bitesize Review – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

catchingfire

Right, well, sit down. This won’t take long. It’s just a quick root canal, or a filling, or a… something. Lie back, breathe deeply, relax (but don’t fall asleep), and endure the procedure. Gosh, your teeth are terrible.

Oh, by the way, have you seen The Hunger Games: Catching Fire?

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Doctor Who: a defence of confused canon

John Hurt, baffled by the continuity of Doctor Who.

John Hurt, baffled by the continuity of Doctor Who

Spoilers abound.

Unless you’ve been living with the Rock (who hates watching science fiction; “not in my name,” he says), you’ll have seen the fiftieth anniversary special of Doctor Who.

Aside from some dodgy quoting of Elizabeth I’s Speech to the Troops at Tilbury, and the fact that One Direction turned up for the BBC3 aftershow thing, I loved it. Good old Doctor WhoThe Five(ish) Doctors Reboot, written and directed by one Peter Davison, though, was perhaps even better. You should watch it. It deserved more than the red button treatment.

Anyway. Some people are angry that Moffat has “rewritten” series one to seven. “He’s rewritten the canon!” they cry.

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Bitesize Review – Gravity

Right, well, sit down. This won’t take long. It’s just a quick root canal, or a filling, or a… something. Lie back, breathe deeply, relax (but don’t fall asleep), and endure the procedure. Gosh, your teeth are terrible.

Oh, by the way, have you seen Gravity?

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Up and Down in Paris – A Diary

Paris, which is in France.

Paris, which is in France.

DAY ONE

Our journey into Paris was comfortable. The Eurostar took off over the Channel and achieved supersonic speed just minutes into the journey, and the in-flight entertainment – a magazine featuring a Nick Cave interview and a ‘top ten execution methods’ diagram – was none too shabby. The only real issue that comes to mind was my recurring vision of a gremlin scuttling up and down the side of the train, which nobody else witnessed. My wife put it down to some bad milk I’d suffered as a child and crushed a few sleeping pills into my Fanta.

We shuffled out onto the platform at Gare du Nord as dawn broke overhead like an old man’s wrist. I let my hand rest upon a metal barrier and received a bit of a culture shock – nothing major, only twenty-two volts or so, but enough to have me yearning for home like a cold dog. In spite of this, we embarked swiftly on our quest for the hotel, a pretty little place with sweets in a bowl on the front desk.

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5 things from the first half of this year that need to go away

Bin

Joe Baldwin vents spleen on celestial bodies, pop bands, and a silly man in a tiger costume trying to sell breakfast cereals.

2013, so far, has brought soaring highs, like Cadbury’s starting to do chocolate covered pretzels again, and crashing lows, like the existence of a song called Blurred Lines (which is by a mannequin pretending to be Justin Timberlake, and about trying to get a woman to sleep with you using nothing but assertions that they want to sleep with you – a thoroughly joyless combination of the Jedi mind trick and human sexuality, and as likely to lead to actual sex as anything else which could be related to the words “Jedi mind trick”).

Here though, with that mediocrity aside, I’m going to outline five things from the start of 2013 that should go away. Just leave and not come back. Preferably taking that song with it.

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Bitesize Review – Breaking Bad, season 5 episode 9

breakingbad

Right, well, sit down. This won’t take long. It’s just a quick root canal, or a filling, or a… something. Lie back, breathe deeply, relax (but don’t fall asleep), and endure the procedure. Gosh, your teeth are terrible.

Oh, by the way, did you catch Breaking Bad season 5 episode 9?

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Bread&Crows at Doctor Who Live: The Next Doctor

Doctor Who

We’re live-tweeting Doctor Who Live: The Next Doctor at 7pm BST. Join us on Twitter and Facebook for our insubstantial coverage.

From George Lazenby to Nicholas Lyndhurst, Doctor Who‘s Doctor is a man of many faces and attached bodies.

Whether it’s Colin “Eighties” Baker tickling your fancy with his curly barnet or David “Shouts” Tennant bounding loudly through your dreams, or even John Hurt wiggling mysteriously into your fan theorising, we are all tasked with accepting that change is central to Doctor Who‘s longevity.

Incumbent Doctor Matt Smith, then, is to depart at Christmas. His first series was the finest since the show returned in 2005, and he’s continued to impress in the two or three or however many years since.

For the record, I (Bread&Crows’ Thomas) think Matt Smith has been pitch perfect as the Doctor, and that the BBC will be hard-pressed to find someone Doctor-y enough to regenerate into his shoes. But, just in case they do, we’ll be on hand at 7pm tonight, live-tweeting the reveal.

Bread&Crows: Twitter | Facebook

Bitesize Review – Monsters University

Right, well, sit down. This won’t take long. It’s just a quick root canal, or a filling, or a… something. Lie back, breathe deeply, relax (but don’t fall asleep), and endure the procedure. Gosh, your teeth are terrible.

Oh, by the way, have you seen Monsters University?

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